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 And now for something completely different...

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LeaShi

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Number of posts : 485
Age : 35
Location : New York
Registration date : 2008-04-08

PostSubject: And now for something completely different...   Tue Jul 21, 2009 6:41 pm

Dear Niel,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your cat. I think I realized it when you smacked my ass at the mental hospital and I saw you carve your initials into the elephant in the corner. I'm sure you're open enough to understand that your driving sucks. I'm returning your false teeth, but I'll keep your virginity as a memory. I always will remember the pep talks and I will haunt you when I'm reincarnated as an Eskimo.
Go drown yourself,
Ashley

Here's how you do it:
Dear (someone you recently talked to),
I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2) (3) and I saw you (4)(5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (Cool to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. I (10) and (11)
(12),
(Your name)


1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
Other -I dislike your eyelashes

2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I finally changed my underwear
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When I saw the purple monkey
August - When you smacked my ass
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I threw up in your sock drawer

3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Seafood - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Other- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bite off
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Molest
Other - Drive over

5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Other -- The elephant in the corner

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Other - Squeamish

7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks

Cool What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - The pictures from Vegas
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your toe ring
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear

9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your virginity
C/D - Your photo with the mustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbors dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H – Will not tell the authorities that you stole the whale from the backyard.
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Get sick when I think of your feet
S/T - Always wanted to break your legs
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – am better off without you

11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Iced tea – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war.
Coffee/hot tea – You should get that embarrassing rash checked out
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine
Other – you should stop picking your nose

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - your everlasting enemy
USA - Best of luck on the sex change
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself

_________________
My best friend is non-verbal, incontinent, and rough on cats:
https://s740.photobucket.com/albums/xx49/ciannons_fan_page/

www.AshleysCrescentMoon.etsy.com
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Lightfoot
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Number of posts : 451
Age : 57
Location : is everything
Registration date : 2008-04-23

PostSubject: Re: And now for something completely different...   Tue Jul 21, 2009 8:23 pm

Dear Chris,
I
don't really know how to tell you this, but your nostrils are insulting. I think I realized it last year when you peed your pants at the mental hospital and I saw you molest your ‘My Little Pony’ collection. I'm sure you're scarred enough to understand how awful you are. I'm returning your Hannah Montana underwear to you, but I'll keep Your collection of butterflies as a memory. I never will forget that night and I'm scratching my butt as you read this go drown yourself.
Lightfoot

_________________
"Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...'Oh shit....she's awake!!"
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Sage
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Number of posts : 316
Age : 57
Location : South Carolina
Registration date : 2008-04-08

PostSubject: Re: And now for something completely different...   Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:45 am

Dear Scott,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our affair is over. I think I realized it when I finally changed my underwear
in your car and I saw you molest the elephant in the corner. I'm sure you're squeamish
enough to understand that you need a sex-change. I'm returning our matching snoopy underwear to you, but I'll keep your photo with the mustache drawn on it as a memory.
I always will remember the pep talks and you should get that embarrassing rash checked out.

Kiss my butt,

Debbie

_________________
May those who love us love us,
and those who do not love us,
may God turn their hearts,
and if He cannot turn their hearts
may He turn their ankles
that we may know them by their limping.

~Irish Prayer

http://sagewoodfarm.blogspot.com/
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Lightfoot
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Number of posts : 451
Age : 57
Location : is everything
Registration date : 2008-04-23

PostSubject: Re: And now for something completely different...   Wed Jul 22, 2009 6:23 pm

LOL @ the kiss my butt!

_________________
"Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...'Oh shit....she's awake!!"
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Kat

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Number of posts : 83
Age : 34
Location : Eh, wherever the mind wanders
Registration date : 2008-05-13

PostSubject: Re: And now for something completely different...   Fri Sep 04, 2009 8:29 am

Those are funny! Smile

Heres mine

Dear Erik,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your cat.
I think I realized it When I saw the purple monkey in your apartment and I saw you Molest Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection.
I'm sure you're High enough to understand That I may pee my pants.
I'm returning Your Hannah Montana underwear to you, but I'll keep Your virginity as a memory.
I Always will remember the pep talks and Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird.
Kiss my butt,
Ashley
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Sage
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Number of posts : 316
Age : 57
Location : South Carolina
Registration date : 2008-04-08

PostSubject: Re: And now for something completely different...   Fri Sep 04, 2009 4:35 pm

<hehehehe> cucumber fetish..that could be.......uhmm.....well never mind.

_________________
May those who love us love us,
and those who do not love us,
may God turn their hearts,
and if He cannot turn their hearts
may He turn their ankles
that we may know them by their limping.

~Irish Prayer

http://sagewoodfarm.blogspot.com/
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Kat

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Number of posts : 83
Age : 34
Location : Eh, wherever the mind wanders
Registration date : 2008-05-13

PostSubject: Re: And now for something completely different...   Sat Sep 05, 2009 9:47 pm

WAIT! I have to change the last line! Smile

I Always will remember the pep talks andTold in my confession today about the moose poaching.
Kiss my butt,
Ashley
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